Thank you for the photo Dale Rogerson
When Faith Becomes Grief
by T. Delaplain
The familiar incense of candle wax, smouldering wicks and desperation forced the bile to rise in my throat. It had been a routine operation, on a common ailment, on a run-of-the-mill day, yet here I am with my extraordinary grief.
I knelt alone, swallowed by these hallowed halls, my unanswered prayers echoing off the alcoves of the faithful. I prayed for her tiny soul, I searched for understanding, I cursed the gods yet lit one more candle.
“What good are a thousand deities when they can only comfort us in the abstract?”
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I’m feeling real grief over the inauguration but this is just fiction. It’s incredibly difficult to keep faith with your ideals and convictions in the face of grief. I think that’s what I’m trying to express today. I’m hoping that we as individuals will find our faith in America again and that we will be able to find a way back to a united state. Now hold your candle high and be counted.
I like so many elements of this. Of course, the way you channeled your grief into a story. And I like the way your life as a doctor informs this story so strongly. I guess channeling grief is something doctors have to learn to do
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I love to see my stories through another’s eyes. A physician is always alone when she loses faith in herself. It always helped me to realize that I was never meant to be a god. Some doctors never get that.
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in a few words, you have expressed grief so eloquently.
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Thank you. This photo reminded me of a hospital chapel that once gave me solace.
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I have faith in America, just not necessarily in Donald Trump and his bigoted Three Stooges support staff. 😳
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He has a long way to go to gain the trust of more than 1/2 of Americans. I hope his actions don’t match his rhetoric. Thanks for reading and keeping the faith.
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Dear Tracey,
Your touching story takes us to the other side of the scalpel. Beautifully told as one who has lived it. I hope my Dr. Derevenko lives up to your standards. Wonderfully written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Truthfully, I don’t always recognize that I’m using my medical muse until it’s on the page. Thank you Rochelle.
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Such a very moving story, Tracey. Just the right balance too.
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As I was reading, I felt almost like it was linked to MY story! I cannot imagine the pain a doctor goes through day after day, dealing with all and not always succeeding.
As I read today, let us hope he becomes a good president, because hoping he doesn’t is kind of like hoping the pilot doesn’t do a good job flying the plane you are on…
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Yes, I can see the connection. I’m sure that your son’s doctors suffered along with you. As for Trump, of course I want to believe that things will be ok but I’m not there yet in my grief.
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I hear you… the world is grieving along with you
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You’ve expressed the conflict and confusion of grief very well.
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Thank you Christine.
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You caught the feeling of this day in the smell of candle wax and feeling of bile. Let’s hope the future is brighter as we search for something brighter. Well done.
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When I was a kid, the burning candles in the Catholic Church always represented sadness to me. I don’t really know why.
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I, too, was reared Catholic. I used to love the smell of the candle wax after mass, wafting up into the choir loft where my sisters and I did our best to sing like angels.
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Superbly written, Tracey. Really tugs at the heart strings.
In my profession, we hit bad news everyday. It’s why we’re in the biz, I guess. Even I have to deal emotionally with what I have heard and it stinks, usually. But, more than that, and I’m really telling it to you truthfully, this story so accurately reminds me of the questioning I did back when I was an agnostic many years ago.
Five out of five hopes for the future. 🙂
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We as physicians swallow a lot of grief but it always finds its way to the surface sooner or later. Stairwells and hospital chapels at night are good place to cry. Thanks for spreading hope today. Thank you for liking my words.
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I like your words real good there, Doc. 😉 And thanks for having a heart. There is hope!
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Last night, we were talking with some friends and Connie mentioned how sad she’d been feeling all week leading up to the inauguration. It was sort like mentally preparing yourself for a funeral. Then on Friday afternoon, we buried everything our country stands for and walked away with sorrow in our hearts.
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It feels exactly like a funeral.
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You are right… grief is so hard to handle, and that is just what a lot of feel these days…
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Sometimes telling yourself you can’t win them all isn’t enough. There are millions of people around the world hoping with you that America rallies and that your new president isn’t the disaster we fear.
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Thanks Liz. We do feel the love especially from other woman around the globe. I marched on Saturday with my Mexicana sisters against Trump.
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Engulfed. That is the feeling your story evokes. Extraordinarily moving.
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Thank you so much. Yes grief can swallow a person.
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You captured the hopelessness of grief beautifully. Beautifully written. It still amazes me that grief is what so many people are feeling after Nov 8th. But it was a death of so much.
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Thank you for reading and commenting Trying to find a silver lining. .
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A very moving story, brilliantly told. The personal grief comes out in it
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Thank you Michael
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Great writing, from the feelings of helplessness to the sub-conscious hope of candle-lighting. I too was raised Catholic and associate the smell of the candles and incense with comforting ritual, even though I am now atheist.
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I’m not sure what I believe but I know there is comfort in traditional rituals. Thank you for commenting and reading.
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I get it.
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