
A Bouquet in Place
by Tracey Delaplain
I wrinkled my nose and let a faint grimace escape.
“It’s death,” said the astute nurse, “you never really get used to the smell.”
“But this patient is alive,” I replied.
“In name only, Doc. Her vessel is dying cell by cell,” she tapped her nose, “never lies.”
“Get well soon Gram,” read the typewritten note on the bouquet.
“Sad, dying alone with only a bouquet to mark her passing. I’ll hold space with her, but those have to go, can’t stand the stench of guilt. Flowers are a poor substitute for caring.”
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Holding Space
I read a very interesting essay last year by Heather Plett about what it means to “hold space” with another person. Here is a brief explanation in her own words.
What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.
Physicians are rarely in a position of “holding space”. We are trained to fix problems. When a patient is dying our instinct is to keep fixing them, sometimes beyond reason. I have learned over the years that sometimes it’s ok to just be with a dying patient. It’s a privilege that not many people experience. The concept of “holding space” is usually reserved for the living but sitting vigil at another’s death is in fact “holding space”.
For more sweet smelling 100 word stories visit Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for Friday Fictioneers.
Beautifully sensitive offering this week Tracey. I loved the concept of ‘holding space’ but even more did I appreciate the ‘stench of guilt’. A cracker of a story.
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Many thanks. Clearly the stench of guilt is worse than the smell of death itself.
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Dear Tracey,
Sandra took the words right out from under my fingers. Stench of guilt is a great descriptive and says so much. Applause.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you. I think my best writing comes when I can share these intimate medical moments with all of you.
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Thank you for doing so. I learned a new, important phrase. 🙂
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I agree. BTW. I should be taking notes for my doctor characters. 😉
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I meant to add that a woman doctor has entered the scene in the third book. So I’m watching you closely. 😉
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I’m available for consultation. You know how to reach me. I would be honored to let you inside my head.
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I hope that’s not a threat. 😉 And thank you.
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A threat? Oh, getting inside my head? There’s scary stuff in there.
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I agree with Sandra, all the way around. Thanks for enlightening us about holding space.
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The concept resonated with me. There are so many times in life where someone just needs us to be with them. I have to remind myself to “hold space” because I’m a natural fixer. Thank you Alicia.
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This was absolutely perfect. I loathe the stench of flowers in a hospital room and I adore he concept of holding space. We held space for my father and less than two years later, for my husband. It was the least we could do.. Beautiful story, Tracey
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I agree about flowers in a hospital. It’s a stupid custom. I held space with both parents and two sisters. I just didn’t know what to call it until I read Ms. Plett’s essay.
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Such a beautiful term.
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I hope that the dying patient could not hear the conversation, and that some held space for her.
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Thank you for pointing out the flaw in this piece. Of course the nurse should have considered that the patient may hear her. That leaves me wondering if either care giver really cared about the dying patient.
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Well said. Years of working in long term care with terminally ill have given me respect for ‘holding space’ and yes, there is a ‘stench of guilt’ associated with it.
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I agree. When my Mom was in assisted living the guilt was often times unbearable.
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Such a sad story. Flowers are indeed a poor substitute for caring.
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Thanks Ali
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The best stories come from our own heart and experiences. Well said.
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Thank you
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“Holding space” is a great concept. Wonder if I can do it…
This was a sad and informative story this week. Nicely done.
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Thank you. We don’t know what we’re capable of until we are faced with the decision. There is peace in holding space.
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Lovely story! I love the concept of holding space. So often we vent to our friends, not wanting to be “fixed” but just heard. All the more important at end of life.
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Me too Jan. It’s especially difficult to hold space with family members. We always want to fix things for them.
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this is one of your best. hold space – what a nice concept. i’ll remember that.
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Thanks Plaridel. It is such a simple concept but so hard to do for someone we love. It is easier with strangers.
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Fascinating piece, especially for all of us who are a certain age and have experienced death in family members, friends, and well-known personalities of our generation. You are very unusual and sensitive doctor from my experience.
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I’m blushing Perry. Thank you
The older I get the more I appreciate the art of good medical care. I hope the next generation of physicians can hold on to the compassion of medicine.
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A very thoughtful piece,Tracey. I suppose you have smelled your share of flowers stenched with guilt. The loneliness here is palpable.
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More so as I’ve grown older. I think facing our own morbidity and mortality makes us more sensitive to end of life matters. No one wants to die alone, of that I’m certain. Thanks Dawn.
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I was thinking the very same thing when I was reading and commenting but I didn’t say so. Glad its not just me who thinks this way. (I think).
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I really like the concept of the holding space and, as you mentioned, it is a privilege to spend the final hours with someone. Flowers, I agree, aren’t very pretty when they smell of guilt. Great piece, Tracey.
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So true Amy.
Thanks
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What a wonderfully written piece. The message is prominent too. I enjoyed reading this.
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Holding space is a great phrase, and concept. I like the two caregivers, flawed or not. In todays hospitals, too much is left to machines, too few people have too much work to do… someone finding the time and wanting to just be there during the last moments is a true gift.
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Yes, this was a bit of a fantasy piece wasn’t it? No one has time to care any more.
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